I'm working on a project for school right now where I have to make a personal webpage. Anyhoo, I had to scan in some pictures (since I don't have one of those new fangled digital cameras yet) & found this picture. It was taken in July or August of 1996. My Mom had just found out she had breast cancer (the first time around) and wanted a good picture before she lost her hair from chemo.
This is what my sister Jade looks like now, she's 10 years old. I took this right around Halloween last year. It makes me feel so old to watch her grow up!
So the trip to Pennsylvania was a blast, although some family drama was mixed in. Of course, how could there not have been?
The first three nights I spent with my Dad in Pittsburgh. If it wasn’t so damn cold, I probably would move back there – Pitt has always been my favorite city. We spent Saturday walking around “dahntahn” (that’s downtown to all of you not up on Pittsburghese). Grueser’s can eat like no tomorrow & stay pencil thin, so we took advantage of that with a huge dinner at Max & Erma’s that evening. Had to replace all those calories we burned off walking!
The last two nights I spent in Greenville. My Grandpa Sam used to call Greenville, PA the “Garden Spot of America” – on the way into town my Dad renamed it the “A**hole of America”. That about sums it up. It’s nothing but a small, economically depressed hellhole, with absolutely nothing to do. We stayed at my Aunt Melanie’s house & had much to drink & ended up having an absolute blast. My cousin & I even reminisced about the time my Dad caught us sneaking up to Lawson’s convenience store where we were smoking cigarettes at the age of like 11 or something, & jamming to Madonna in the basement when she slept over.
Now to the drama. We had the memorial service for my mother at a Baptist church. This is the church my Mom’s stepsisters attend – my Mother was definitely not a Baptist. We have a crazy mish-mash of religious beliefs in my family. One of the chaplains at the local hospital where my Stepdad works did the service here in SC – he was a good friend of my Stepdad’s. Doug explained to him the religious beliefs of our family and asked him to keep it light on the preaching, & no references to Jesus or Father. The chaplain is Southern Baptist, but overall a pretty cool guy & did a great job respecting our wishes. The pastor back home looked at us like we were the anti-christ when we tried to explain this to him. I piped up at one point and told him that the chaplain had just said “God, Lord, or Our Creator”. “Do you not believe in the Trinity or Jesus dying for your sins?” was his reply. Yeah, sure, and I’ll make sure to tell everyone all about it at Synagogue next Friday. Doug finally backed down for fear he wouldn’t do the service at all. The pastor agreed to do what he could. Instead he spent the last 15 minutes or so of the service selling Christianity & saying things like “and I pray for those here who haven’t been saved by Jesus…” Oy vey. Mom was probably rolling in her grave.
So my sister, Meridith had promised to come home for the service. She moved to Chicago a few months back after breaking off marriage #2. We had been talking almost daily, but when I went through my break up, she dropped off the face of the earth. The entire time Mom was in the hospital, she never returned my phone calls. Finally, a week after she died, Meridith found out through some family back home & called me, saying she had lost her cell phone weeks earlier & hadn’t got a new one. Whatever. I told her off but decided to let it go. The day before I flew out she called to let me know she’d be there for the service, but since she had to deal with issues concerning her soon to be ex-husband & her mother, she would have no time to hang out with me. Again, whatever. I told her I’d call her with the time & location that weekend. She never called me back, never answered her phone the countless times I called, & didn’t show for the service. She still hasn’t called 2 days later. So as far as I’m concerned, f**k her. I was there for here when she needed me through her separation, yet I have what will probably be the worst 6 weeks of my life & she can’t even call. It never ceases to amaze me how inconsiderate people can be. She will face the wrath if she ever does bother to call. My Mom was an excellent Stepmother to her as well, and she obviously has no respect for that.
My Mother had 2 full blooded sisters, both of which have some mental, ummm, challenges. Well, nevermind trying to be politically correct. My Mom’s entire family (excluding step-family) is totally nuts. There’s always drama & so and so isn’t speaking to whomever & just a bunch of craziness. Complete white trash, let me tell you. One of my Aunt’s didn’t come to the service because she & Mom hadn’t really talked in years. Well you can’t hold a conversation with her because she’s completely lost her marbles. Let’s just say that cocaine, LSD, lithium, & schizophrenia don’t go together very well. Does it really matter anyway? When your sister dies, you go to the funeral for Christ’s sakes! My other Aunt showed up in a black tank top. Not a black, fancy, camisole type tank top – I’m talking about a wife beater. And shoes that could’ve passed for slippers & pants from 1980 something. Maybe she’s not into the latest fashions, but I think it’s common knowledge you don’t wear a wife beater & slippers to a funeral. Then she tried to explain to Doug (IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!) why the other Aunt didn’t show & how it was all very complicated &oh, by the way, was my Dad coming? I wanted to yell at her, but I do have some sense of appropriateness.
My Grandmother has been completely beside herself since Mom died, so I hope our visit cheered her up. She hasn’t seen my little sister or brother since we moved down south 10 years ago. She now has at least 25 cats in her house & like 4 or 5 dogs. There are literally cats on every flat surface. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my cats, but I think the 3 I have are too many. I couldn’t imagine 25. I went over there to meet her for dinner, walked into the house, stayed about 5 minutes, and said I would wait outside. It’s just nasty. Problem was you could still smell it out in the yard.
All in all, I had a blast, even with the family drama. I haven’t seen some of my family in 10 years, and it was great to reconnect. Good times, but I’m sure as hell glad to be back to sunny South Carolina, 500 miles away from all of that mess!
Well, I'm about to leave for a fun filled trip to visit family in Pennsylvania. My aunt has organized a memorial service there so that her family could have a service to attend. My Mum's family was noticeably absent at the service here. Of course, that was fine with me. My maternal grandmother can get very hysterical and was completely stressing me out, I probably would've lost it if she had come down. She has recurrent theories about the end of the world and all that mess, & that was coming out in full force. "If Vesta dies I'm going to die, I'll have a heart attack if I have to get on a plane & then it will crash..." Blah, blah, blah. I wasn't really in the mood to listen to it anymore. I know having your daughter die is traumatic, but please don't upstage the event with your craziness. And have some empathy for those of us that are by her side while it's happening. Oy vey.
After reaching levels of depression I never thought possible the week Mum died, I have managed to pull myself together somewhat. I guess I've just been so busy with making up a massive pile of school work that I haven't had time to dwell on my emotional troubles. There's been a few times that I've realized things, like "this is the day I usually call Mum & gab for an hour...", or "I always visit on Wednesdays". I guess I will always have those moments of realization. The week Mum died, I picked up some film I had dropped off before she went into the hospital & had forgotten about with all the choas. I didn't realize until I started flipping through the pictures that there were holiday photos on that roll. That's some of the last photos of Mum. She looked even more aged than ever, I was shocked.
On a lighter note, I'm one year older now & have a few more grey hairs. I spent my birthday weekend drinking in massive quantities (well, massive for me anyway), attending my mothers funeral, and having a fabulous party that evening. What an odd way to spend a birthday.
Wish me luck on my trip back home. Hopefully there won't be any family catastrophes while I'm there!
