Slightly Melancholy Birthday

I've heard it said over the years that the older you get, the less birthdays matter. I've never believed this would be true for me - I've always treated my birthday like a national holiday. Every year, I have a big party, and up to 30 people have come to celebrate. Last year, Mum died 5 days before and we held the funeral the day after my birthday, so I wasn't exactly in the mood to celebrate. I thought this would be an aberration from the norm, but maybe my birthday will just never be the same.

I can't kvetch about the day overall. I had a great yoga class in the morning, took a nap with the kitties, took the dog on a nice walk in the park, and had a party at Barley's downtown. Not as many people showed for the party as what I would've wanted, and it seems as though less people attend with each passing year. But I'm thankful for those that did, and a good time was had by all. The fact that my brother forgot my birthday yet again hung over my head. He usually forgets (except last year), but I hear him mention quite often about how one of his friends has a birthday coming up so he's got to buy gifts and attend the party, and everytime, I feel a little hurt that he usually can't be bothered to remember mine. I reminded him in my last email that Saturday was the day, and he replied that he wouldn't forget. I guess it wasn't at the top of his list. Maybe I shouldn't take it so personally.

My party felt anti-climatic in a way - not that I didn't enjoy it, but it just seemed as though something was missing. Maybe it's the fact I will never have cake & wine with Mum again, maybe I'm just getting old, maybe I should just quit dwelling on the bad & focus on the people that did come to celebrate or called with happy birthday wishes, maybe I just have to much on my mind.

Maybe next year will be more like it used to be.